Tuesday, May 7, 2013

what i'm most afraid of

Fear is my biggest enemy.
I feel as if most fear is irrational.
But to the person who is afraid,
it is anything BUT irrational.
I try to live my life by doing the things that scare me most.
I skydive.
I rock climb.
I say bold things.
I go to Africa by myself on a whim.
If I say that something scares me then it is a personal challenge to face it.
This is hard sometimes.
Especially when facing my biggest fear.
My biggest fear in the whole wide world is being alone.
(More specifically....waking up and being the last person on earth).
I don't know why this scares me so much.
Sometimes my roommates will leave for the weekend and leave me home alone.
By the end of those three days I am scared out of my mind.
Because I feel as if I have been left.
Left to be alone forever.
There is comfort in physical proximity to people for me.
Maybe it's knowing that if I needed somebody then I would have them?
I cannot ever imagine living by myself.
I would go crazy and turn into the lady that neighborhood kids are scared of.
I know that this fear is irrational, but not to me.
I don't understand it, but it's there.

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