Monday, February 23, 2015

old people

>While watching a cartoon movie and two characters kiss, one old woman turns to the old woman next to her and whispers, "I've forgotten what it's like to kiss someone."
>When I was changing the bed sheets of a grumpy old man, he was being very difficult so I said very firmly, "JOHN" and he replied equally as firmly, "MARSHA"!
>We were al eating dinner and one deaf woman never knows what meal we are eating and so she asked very loudly, "Is this the last supper"?
>One old man came into the kitchen dancing away and told us, "I'm a sex maniac."
>The sweet old woman that can't remember what it feels like to kiss someone told us that she was very riotous. At bedtime she said that when I come check on her she might be drinking or having lude sex.....
>I was setting the table and dropped a fork and a resident said, in all seriousness, "Don't stand too close to that one. She throws em."

Thursday, February 19, 2015


Sometimes things don't go quite as planned.
And sometimes your cousin calls you up and asks if you want to go to Europe with her.
And sometimes you say "yes".
So.....since I already don't know what I'm doing with my life I figured that I could just throw another continent onto Australia for my travels.
I mean, why not?
Why wouldn't I want to see the changing of the guards?
Or eat authentic pizza in Italy?
Or sunbathe on a beach in Greece?
So adult life, I will be seeing you later than planned.
And shall be my constant companion as I continue to decide what to do with my life.
May 10th. The first day of my wanderlust.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Friday, February 6, 2015


OK. I have an hour prep time.
Prep time? I'm the sub! There's nothing to prep! I could've slept in....
OK well let's catch up on Instagram.
Connect faster phone!
No service???? What sort of impenetrable walls are these? I'm by a window!!!!
Maybe there's a book somewhere in this torture chamber.
Ooh! I Spy! What delicacies can I find in here?
Let's take a picture of these blinds while we're at it. That might be artsy.
Nope. They're still just blinds.
OK I Spy...entertain me.
"Find JUAN three times"
Am I finding a little Mexican or the actual word Juan?
Eh, I can't find either. Pass.
This book is broken.
I can't find any of these things.
Oh. Half the pages are ripped out!
Ooh that's a pretty flower.
I should grow a garden.
I think I would be considered a grown up if I grew my own garden.
I tried it once and nothing actually grew.
I must not have been a grown up yet...
I need a trim.
I have so many split ends.
Ah someone's walking by!!
Look sophisticated!!!

Tuesday, February 3, 2015


I have been substitute teaching lately.
I don't know how I feel about it.
It pretty much made me glad that I changed directions of my life from teaching....
But here is what I have learned from these hooligans:
>Preparatory kids are really bad at trash talk.
>I automatically hate the prettiest girl in any class. (Past trauma I suppose?)
>I still like the unpopular kids the most.
>All high schoolers look the same to me.
>Tiny humans can make a LOT of noise.
>Some girls flirt with everything.
>Teachers have bladders of steel because they never get to pee.
>Children are little butt nuggets.
>It's really funny to watch people get hit in the head with a basketball.
>My name is now teacher.