Monday, January 26, 2015


You wanna hear something absurd?
When I first started this blog a couple of years ago it was intended to be a fashion blog.
For my first post Tami went with me and we broke into what looked like i-robot.
I then proceeded to pose in front of dilapidated crates with mediocre poses that I copied from America's Next Top Model while she was a good friend and took my pictures.
What caused me to think, "Yeah I dress really beautifully and everyone probably wants my advice",
I will never know.
Because I don't think anybody except me wants advice on how to find the best swimming suit at a thrift shop.
I mean, I don't even wear matching socks or public-worthy pants.
So I don't know why I was going to let my influence affect you people across the globe.
(And by you people I mean the only people who probably read this blog: my parents.)
This morning I straightened my hair without wearing glasses or contacts and crossed my fingers that it didn't look like a total disaster.
When I go to family parties they place bets on what percentage of my clothes is from a thrift shop...
(It's usually 100%.....)
And I haven't washed my Sunday clothes in a year.
So I'll just sticks to writing blogs with terrible jokes and weird stories.

Monday, January 19, 2015


Sometimes in life you just have to go with the flow. 
Last night at work an old man waved me into his room where ‘90s pop was loudly playing.
Not saying anything, he started crazy-dancing with limbs flailing everywhere.
No questions asked, I started crazy-dancing with him, limbs flailing everywhere.
And for two minutes we looked like fools and it was the best.
Looking like a fool is just a mandatory part of life.
This same resident often asks me to play the piano for him.
Which I’m not particularly good at.
But you best believe that I try.
And when he leans over and kindly says, “We all have our struggles.”
You just smile and nod your head in agreement.
Because that was a lot kinder than the woman that came up to me when I was 16 and said,
“I think it’s awesome that you can just get up there and not care what anybody else thinks”.
And dressing like the richest person in town when you’re 90 is just the right situation for foolishness.
Because foolishness is always good.

These fabulous pictures of my role models in life are from Buzzfeed.

Friday, January 16, 2015

five things friday

This Friday I will be discussing five things from this week that are new.
>Like.....this shirt. That my beau bought for himself. But then I got it cause it didn't fit him. Thank you soccer Gods.

>And the show The Blacklist that has the most amazing evil genius in the history of ever. So good. (In other TV news....Parks and Rec started their last season this week!!)

>The beau also took me swimming. All I could picture was being thrown into the deep end and having a shark nibble at my toes. Or something like that. But was pretty enjoyable. And I didn't even die. And I slightly enjoyed it. Mostly because I got to wear big ridiculous flippers.

>A new job. Another one you say? Yup. I shall be substitute teaching. So if you teachers out there ever need a sub then I'm your gal. I just love jobs you guys. It's an addiction. I think I need an intervention.

>I tried my hand at cooking. It started off a little bit rocky with cauliflower mash but then I suppose I turned into somewhat of a domestic goddess with my fajitas and homemade pizzas.

Monday, January 12, 2015

different people

Life is made up of moments and seasons and periods of time.
Looking back on this past year I can’t even comprehend all of the moments and seasons and periods of time that passed.
I’ve lived in three different apartments and been many different people.
Not in the multiple-personality-where-I-literally-am-many-different-people sort of way.
But in the I-have-changed-and-grown-so-many-different-ways-at-different-times sort of way.
I remember the Summer when I was completely alone for most of my time.
And i would sit on my balcony on the little folding chair from the kitchen.
And i would watch all the Swig customers use the drive-through and all my ward members run around doing things that should be done in Summer.
And i would think too much and watch too much.
I remember the apartment where nobody talked to each other.
And I would escape to the climbing gym and make my interactions there.
And pretend that I liked where I was in life.
I look at my life now, that is completely different.
Where I am never alone.
And i don’t watch life pass me by, I shield my eyes from it.
So that I don’t get distracted by sadness and confusion.
Where I am starting to think about what I want in my life and where I want to be.
All of these different people I have been….they’re hard to let go of.

But I like this person the most.

Friday, January 9, 2015


> I may have taken this picture whilst driving. Or not. (But I did.....)

> I didn't shower for five straight days this week. Forgive me.

> I most definitely touched poop on multiple occasions this week. It gets bad when you stop thinking "Ew. I'm gonna vomit" and now all you think is "Ugh. Not again."

> I probably said the distasteful "f" word a few times yesterday. And by probably I mean yes. I did.

> I ate five donuts at work the other day. And my belly was definitely not happy. And neither were my co-workers but I'll keep blaming that old guy over there.


Friday, January 2, 2015

new years

January 1st.
(Or 2nd for the procrastinators.....)
The day to reflect on the past year and bask in the light of all that you've learned.
But lesbi-honest.
How much did I actually learn?
I wound up in the hospital, got fired from my job for being "too hormonal", and dropped out of school.
But I can very much assure you that I forgot. ALOT of stuff.
I forgot where I set my keys down...five too many times.
I forgot how to work a VCR...I put my '90s birthing to shame.
I forgot about the word loquacious....which is one of my favorites.
I forgot about that twenty dollars hidden in my winter clothes pocket.
I forgot that eating a lot of sugar does in fact create a monster in your belly.
I forgot that filling your life with things that you hate can also create a monster in your belly.
And most importantly...i forgot that sometimes Pinterest has the absolute worst ideas ever.
(Just ask my mash cauliflower just how it tastes.)
......(Horrible. It tastes horrible.)