fraud

I was in someone elses house, sleeping in someone elses bed, tending someone elses kids.
And I felt like I was lying.
I had gotten this random nanny gig and was staying with the kids overnight.
I'd done it before but this time was different.
I felt like a fraud-acting as the mother of these kids that I didn't even know.
As I watched their TV in the middle of the night, I tried to figure out why I felt so weird.
I think it was because I wasn't ready for the life that I was pretending to have at the time.
A life full of responsibility?
No thanks, I was still just a baby myself.
I started thinking about how I'm gonna graduate soon.
And then I'll be a grown-up.
With a real grown-up job that I can't wear sweat pants and flip flops to.
I'll have bills to pay and money to worry about.
I'll have to schedule my own eye appointments and make all of my own decisions.
This is my last Summer before "adulthood".
We are in schools for so much of our lives that thinking about not going to school anymore is scary.
What are we supposed to do when we don't have finals to worry about and teachers to impress?
Yes, I know I know....we move onto real world stuff.
But that's weird.
And I just want to go back to the time when I was the age of the kids I nanny.
My biggest argument was about which crayon was mine.
My biggest worry was if my crush would circle Yes on my love note.
My biggest responsibility was walking my dog.
Change.
IT'S WEIRD!!!!

sometimes they're the worst

*Cake courtesy of my darling mother.*

Ya know how in my last post I wrote about how I LOVE birthdays?
Well, this year was definitely an exception.
It all started when I got booted out of my job.
Why, you ask?
Well, apparently it's because they're worried I'm going to be too "hormonal".....?
Conveniently, it was just a few days after my secret reveal post.
Man, that really came back to bite my in the bum right?
And then of course I was angry so I tried to send some texts with a bunch of swear words.
My darn phone doesn't know how to spell swear words.
Which, in turn, made me angrier.
So I settled on stealing all of the toilet paper.
Justice is sweet.
Then I woke up unable to open my eyes because of the acid tears that allergies were causing to come out of my eyes.
So I walked around all day with sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure everyone thought I was hungover since it was the big 2-1.
But, my friends were sweet and fed me soothing sick-person foods.
Since, of course, my favorite birthday activity is to eat.
(They know me so well.)
So, I asked the universe if I could get a redo next week.
She said it was fine.
So if everyone would happily wish me happy birthday next Saturday that would be much obliged ;)

birthdays...

It is BIRTHDAY WEEK!!!!
My favorite week of the whole entire year! My birthday should really be celebrated for a whole month.
But I'll settle for a week.
I will hereby wear pajamas everyday,
Eat cake for every meal,
Forego all homework and finals,
Eat ice cream until I'm sick,
Force everyone to hug me and be nice to me,
Play Call of Duty Zombies every night,
Buy myself a pony,
And.........Sing at the top of my lungs in the middle of the night.
Please feel free to vote for me for president.
I think I would be pretty good.
Click the pic for a link to last year's birthda.
Cause it was a good one :)

type 2

Welcome to the scariest blog post that I have ever written.

Why?

Because I am revealing one of my biggest secrets.

And when you make yourself vulnerable you hope that people still accept you.

And it's weird because then everyone will know.

How will they treat you?

What will they say?

What will they do?

So before I backspace this entire post I will tell you the secret.

*sit for twenty minutes and contemplate how to type the buttons for this next sentence*

I have Bipolar type 2 disorder.

There you go world. 

I said it.

I decided to make this post so that I could explain.

And try to remove the stigma that is placed on mental illness.

"If you're not sharing it, why are you experiencing it?"

Bipolar is a continuous series of cycles between mania and depression.

Sometimes each cycle lasts for weeks and sometimes only for days.

It makes you go from being so up and creative and motivated and energized-

to feeling so down and irritable and fatigued.

It's confusing and exhausting.

I wish that I didn't have to deal with it.

But I do.

So I try to manage.

I'm still normal-I just deal with a mind that is on overload.

*publish*

find an adventure

I had been feeling as if I had lost my purpose in my life.
I didn't feel satisfied with my schooling or my work.
And I wondered what the heck I was doing.
I felt that everything had just became too mundane.
I think that you lose your purpose in life when you lose the excitement of life.
Life isn't meant to be lived begrudgingly.
Life is meant to be lived with the spirit of excitement and curiosity.
So I told Alexa that we were going to go on an adventure.
And that we did.
Purpose restored.
So here is a bunch of pictures of...us.

just pee your pants already

The surest way to know if someone is a true friend is if they make you pee your pants.
Not in a weird way.
Just in a they-make-me-laugh-so-hard-that-I-can't-even-contol-my-bodily-functions sort of way.
That's how you know that you truly love them.
I must admit that I have peed my pants on many occassions.
But only with my very favorite of people.
So if I pee my pants in your presence.....count your lucky stars.
(That's a weird sentence.)
Kathy is one of those people.
She was the one that made me jump into a dumpster and retrieve some pizza boxes.
And she was the one that hid in the bathroom at work with me for a good twenty minutes whispering about boys and other shenanigans.
Everybody needs a Kathy in their lives.
Because everybody needs someone that they can pee their pants in front of.

wednesday

My alarm goes off at 8:15.
I turn it off and choose to be late to class.
Because if I'm gonna go to a class that I hate I'm gonna go late.
Then I learn that most of my classes are cancelled for the rest of the semester.
So I decide to check out until Spring term begins.
(Not like I was really even checked in anyways)
I sit my second class (and now last since my next two classes have been cancelled).
And then get a text from my dad telling me to skip class and come eat lunch with the family.
I happily oblige and stuff myself with God's greatest creation-pizza.
I am taking this as a hint from the Universe to turn off and watch Friends all day.