Tuesday, April 21, 2015


It happened as I was driving up to Salt Lake and it started raining mud.
Mud that was invincible against my windshield wipers and that just kept coming down like a bad dream.
It was new, seeing the cloud covered sky rain mud.
But it wasn't going to stop me from turning in some important paperwork for a new job.
I pull up to the correct building, grab everything I need and run up to the door.
I go in and tell them I am there on important business as I pull out my passport.
Except that it's not my passport.
It is a Temple Passport that I got from Derek's mom.
And while it is cute, the government would not accept it as proper documentation.
Fuming mad, I leave and head out into my mud splattered car.
I send a text to Derek to vent out all of the frustration and anger coursing through my body.
As the mud turns into a torrential rainstorm and traffic thickens, he offers to buy me something.
I kept telling him I didn't want anything and he kept insisting.
So, use and abuse.
I needed to pick up some lemons from the store but if I had one less thing to do that day maybe it would be better.
Since my vision was now getting a little cloudier I decided to do a little voice-to-text-message.
Ya know the ones, you speak and it turns into written words that the receiver can read.
Well, I push the record button and say in the most angrily enunciated way (to make sure that my phone interprets correctly obviously):
"Get. Me. Two. Lemons. Period. That's. It. Period."
Then I hit send.
And immediately regretted it.
Apparently there's an awful texting option that is new to the world that allows you to send voice recordings.
I had just sent him a voice recording of me enunciating every word in a sentence.
I was horribly embarrassed.
I have farted on the poor man and THIS embarrasses me.
My anger was instantly melted into pure hysterical laughter as I called me best friend to tell her all about the misadventure.
I get back home after the torturous drive only to discover that he hadn't even bought me the lemons.
The silly man thought it was a joke.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

lemon water

Seeing as I have a pretty little tab at the top of this page, labeled "hippy stuff", that has been left completely empty; I have decided to do something about it.
Thus, a blog post that will try to convince you to come and dance with mother earth in a breeze of happiness.
OK, that was a joke.
I'm not that weird.
But, seriously, lemon water.
It has so many benefits and we don't even utilize it.
Lemons are so good for you and I have maybe bought one lemon in my life.
Until now.
So here are the fabulous benefits of drinking some lemon water every morning:

1. Lemons are a rich source of Vitamin C. Lemons are great for fighting colds. Because they are high in potassium, lemons help stimulate brain and nerve function and control blood pressure. Lemons are used as a complementary support for asthma and help with other respiratory symptoms as well. These lovely little things can help with iron absorption in the body, which plays an important role in immune function. Boom! Scienced. 
2. Having lemon water in the morning helps flush out toxins. Lemon juice helps flush out unwanted materials because lemons increase the rate of urination in the body. (So keep a bathroom in mind.) Therefore toxins are released at a faster rate which helps keep your urinary tract healthy. The citric acid in lemons helps maximize enzyme function, which stimulates the liver and aids in detoxification.
3. It aids in digestion. (But remember to make a gradual change towards lemon water or else your bowels may not be happy.)Lemon juice flushes out unwanted materials and toxins from the body. Lemons encourage the liver to produce the bile that is required for digestion. Lemons are also high in minerals and vitamins and help loosen toxins, in the digestive tract. The digestive qualities of lemon juice help to relieve symptoms of indigestion, such as heartburn, belching and bloating. 
4. Balances pH Levels. When inside out bodies, lemons are one of the most alkaline foods. Therefore, drinking lemon water regularly can help remove acidity in the body, including uric acid in the joints which causes pain and inflammation.
5. Clears Skins. Throw away your chemical-laden face washes and replace them with a glass of lemon water in the morning. Because it helps decrease wrinkles and blemishes due to the Vitamin C. The alkaline-ness (?) of lemons kill some types of bacteria that are known to cause acne.
6. Energizes. Lemons are one of the only foods that contain more negative charged ions, providing your body with more energy when it enters the digestive tract. The scent of lemon is also energizing and mood enhancing. Lemons also help reduce anxiety and depression.
7. Promotes Healing. Once again, Vitamin C. It helps you recover form stress and injury and promotes wound healing.
8. Freshens Breath. Who doesn't want fresher breath? Well, lemons help with that. They also have been known to help relieve tooth pain and gingivitis. BUT. Citric acid can erode tooth enamel. So, drinking through a straw is beneficial. Also, If you are going to brush your teeth, brush them before drinking the lemon water. Additionally, you can rinse your mouth with purified water after you finish your lemon water.
9. Aids in Weight Loss. Yup. For realsies. Lemons are high in pectin fiber, which helps fight hunger cravings. And, going back to the alkaline-ness (?) of lemons, this helps people to lose weight faster.

HOW TO DO IT: You should be using purified water and it should be lukewarm not scalding hot. You want to avoid ice cold water, since that can be a lot for your body to process and it takes more energy to process ice cold water than the warm. Always use fresh lemons,  never bottled lemon juice. I squeeze 1/2 a lemon with each glass and I drink it down first thing before I eat a single thing, or workout, etc.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

sunday funnies

For those college students that don't receive the Sunday paper and can't read the Comics:

Wednesday, April 8, 2015


Go on a hike I said.
It will be fun I said.
As we drive down the freeway at *legal* breakneck speeds we waved goodbye to our destined hike that was off the exit we just missed.
"Well, I guess that was the exit. Eh. There will be hikes in St. George."
Continuing to follow the Gods of the world wide web, we choose a hike of the Heavens: The Temple Quarry Trail.
Ready for the leisurely hike that we were promised, I continue wearing my shoes riddled with holes with no socks to soften the rocky ground.
We start off on the trail, munching on fruit snacks from the fanny pack around my waist, happy as beavers.
(Are beavers happy?)
Little did we know that at some point on the trail there is a place to TURN AROUND.
This information is vital to your survival on this hike.
Because we didn't turn around and found ourselves trampling through the wilderness like lost puppies.
(Do lost puppies trample through the wilderness?)
The rain had washed away any supposed trail and we were left to fend for ourselves in the brambles.
About an hour and a half into it I was ready to call it quits and wait for the vultures to finish me off.
I had already eaten and drank anything of sustenance from my pack and was starting to hallucinate.
Luckily, Derek was able to pull me up the mountain and push me down the other side.
(Not quite how it happened. The "Pulling" and "pushing" consisted mostly of words.)
But the rest is true.
We finally decided that we would have to climb over the top and slide down the other side.
And it worked.
And my hiney is grateful for the exercise.
But I'm not.
I am only here to declare to do this hike if, and only if, you TURN AROUND.