Saturday, May 31, 2014


I sit on my porch in the shadow of the setting sun.
And I look at my failed garden as the wind howls around me.
This is my last Summer in college.
I look ahead to graduation and get a little scared.
What will I do?
Who will I be?
Who will my friends be?
Where will I live?
The pro is that my future is so open.
However, the con is the same.
People prepare you for what's after high school: college.
But after college?
Nobody prepares you for that because now we're "grownups" or something.
What should I do?
Yeah yeah, get married and settle down.
Get a job and buy a house.
Maybe even have a tiny human.
But for me I feel like there's something else for now.
And I don't know what it is just yet.
The unknown- so scary and new, but so exciting and fun.
So, as of now I'm open for suggestions-lay 'em on me.
Mango picker in Australia, deckhand on an ocean cruiser, au pair in France..........

Monday, May 26, 2014

memorial day

Two weekends camping in a row?
This weekend we headed down south again after I got off a 10 hr. shift.
We got to Burriston Ponds in Mona at about seven on Sunday night.
We found a hole in the ground, filled it with wood, and started a fire with the first match.
Cause we're independent women and all....
We backed the truck up next to the fire and that's where we slept for the night-under a ceiling of stars.
We talked about the universe and gloried in the beauty of the world, as you do on camping trips.
In the morning we wandered over to the pond and tore up the rope swing.
This was seriously one of my favorite camping trips.
Mona, I will be back.

Friday, May 23, 2014


Rainy days when I'm left alone in the apartment always leave me wondering.
About everything from the originality of my fingerprints to how my clothing was so intricately made in a factory.
Between these thoughts I think about who I am-as a person, as a sibling, as a friend.
I feel like there are so many expectations in this world, in this society, in this religion.
I often get stuck on the "supposed to".
People tell me about their families and I think, "is that what mine is supposed to be like?"
People tell me about their relationships and I think, "is that how it's supposed to happen?"
People show me their work and I think, "is that what it's supposed to look like?"
We have so many "supposed to's" weighing us down.
Who gives a darn if we aren't what we're supposed to be?
My family might not look like someone else's family, but they are freakin' awesome.
My relationships might not look like other Zoobies', but who cares?
My work might not look like my classmates', but I am proud of it.
I realize that my mind works a lot different than other peoples'.
Sometimes I worry that I'm not living life right because I don't always care about things I'm supposed to.
Or because I either feel incredibly strong feelings or none at all.
I worry because I'm different and sometimes people don't know how to handle that.
I hardly know how to handle it.
But as I talk to my therapist about my "shortcomings" he reminds me that they aren't shortcomings.
They're characteristics that make me who I am.
So I'm a little different and think things differently and feel things differently?
It's me.
If only I could permanently get rid of the "supposed to's" and live however I want ALL the time.
Sounds glorious right?

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

just don't

This is the oldest picture that I had on my Facebook.
For this story though just picture me about a year younger.
It all begins in 9th grade when my sunday school teacher's nephew came to church.
And boy was he H.O.T. Hot.
So naturally, I gave my picture with my number written on the back to his aunt.
She passed it on to him just as I asked.
We began texting and flirting.
(I might have been flirting more.)
I thought I was in love.
Well, our conversations began to die down.
So like any 9th grade girl does, I got onto
For all of you oblivious boys, Seventeen is a teeny bopper magazine.
With the worst advice.
But at the time I lived by everything that was written on those pages.
Conveniently there was a section about starting texting conversations with boys.
I hit the jackpot.
I scrolled through until I found the perfect one.
I got on MSN messenger (I know, old right?) and told my BFF's my plan.
They thought it was a great idea and were behind me 100%.
So I got my phone out, clicked his name, and said:
"Hey don't make me think of something clever to say to start talking to you."
His reply?
As it should have been.
I was mortified that the magazine that I worshipped had given me terrible advice.
How could it have betrayed me like that?
There was no way that he would marry me now.
All because of Seventeen.
So the moral of the story?
Never take the advice of a magazine when it comes to love.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

round 2

Here's the second batch of pictures.
These are from when we actually went into Bryce Canyon.
It was so beautiful.
I might have cried a little.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

and sometimes you end up in Bryce

The plans got changed.
The men decided that they wanted to go to Bryce Canyon instead.
I was down with that-I just needed adventure.
So at six in the morning Alexa, TJ, and I headed down to start our adventure early.
We were in a car so old that we only had the option of listening to tapes.
So we listened to Styx and Abba.
And taught Alexa that you can't skip songs on a tape.
But as any good story worth telling goes, something went awry.
We pulled into a gas station in the small town of Panguitch to eat and pee.
After our bellies were filled and our bladders were emptied we got back in the truck.
And it wouldn't start.
The two door '96 was a goner.
We spent two hours in this little town of nothing trying to get things figured out.
And ended up finding a mechanic and using his company van to finish our trip.
After our hearts were filled with warm fuzzies due to his kindness we drove to our campsite.
And hit the lake where, contrary to the last picture, skinny dipping did not happen.
Thus ends part one.

Friday, May 16, 2014

pack light

When you're headed to St. George you don't need much.
Just grab your swimming suit, a knife, a can of chili, and some betting money.
Throw them all in your Camelbak and you're set.
No need to pack three course dinners or toilet paper.
Just plant yourself by the river and catch a fish with your hands for dinner.
Simplicity at its finest.
See you after the weekend, internet!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014


>Honestly.....trespassing is the only way to explore.
>Honestly.....I wish I was cool enough to hang out at a skate park.
>Honestly.....I can eat a whole cake in one sitting and not feel guilt.
>Honestly.....the only quality I am looking for in a husband is if they would be a good travel companion.
> dream job is to be a dealer in Vegas.
>Honestly.....I've peed in a sink before.
>Honestly.....I've only had one boyfriend. For eight hours. It's like I'm afraid of commitment or something.
>Honestly.....I would much rather live in a maze of a bedroom rather than a normal one.
>Honestly.....sometimes I wear the same shirt for 3 days in a row because it's my favorite.
>Honestly.....sometimes I pretend to be asleep so I don't have to interact with people.

Sunday, May 11, 2014


My Sundays now consist of waking up at five in the morning before the sun is up.
I head to work and sit in an office waiting for someone to throw up or break something.
But the ten and a half hour shift makes me think too much.
And today I was stuck in the endless thought circle of desire.
I had gone to Pizza Pie Cafe the other day and everyone knows that that place makes you re-evaluate everything.
Thirteen slices of pizza instantly makes you wonder where you're headed in life.
(The answer is Straight to diabetes.)
I'm pretty sure everyone in the Mormon community has seen the marshmallow video.
For those of you who have no idea what this is a video about waiting for what you want most rather than accepting what you want now.
That's real hard though.
Because what if the thing you want most never actually comes?
And you let go of something that could've been just fine!
But how are you to ever know?
What if I had made different choices in life and ended up in different places?
Would I be happier?
It's not something that should be dwelt on.
But sometimes I wonder.
Ah, Pizza Pie....stop doing this to me.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014


One time Alexa, Kylee, and I went on a hike and took a million pictures.
We planned to find a new hike but halfway up the canyon I ran out of gas.
So we decided it would be best to pull over and hike Bridal Veil Falls.
It was a beaut.
But I can't wait until it's actually hot outside and we can play in the water.
Because trying to catch a fish with your hands in the cold water is hard....
So here's somewhat of a photo dump.

Saturday, May 3, 2014


Summer has arrived.
The time to stop wearing pants,
Forget about wearing shoes,
Rid yourself of all responsibility,
And eat your weight in frozen goods.
Of course, I just started Spring Semester classes so I can't really forget the responsibility....or the pants.
But when I'm not in class I'm usually with my new roommate.
She goes by the name of Alexa and she's pretty cool.
Most of our time is spent yelling, singing, and dancing.
We always wave goodbye to each other from our balcony and remind each other to "remember who they are".
We make music videos before classes and sometimes at night too.
Laying out and swimming are a must.
And stealing ice from the snow cone shack down the street is always fun.
So let the games begin.
And may the odds be ever in your favor.
(That has nothing to do with this post but I feel like it's a good all around saying. Am I right?)