Sunday, February 21, 2016

uncut sunday

I drove past the new Provo temple the other day.
And instead of thinking of my husband, I thought of an ex.
A couple of years ago, before I met my wonderful Derek, I was dating a non-member.
And he made me happy.
But no matter how happy I was, I just could not get rid of the feeling that I needed to break up with him.
I, of course, put it off because he made me happy and why would I want to end that just because of one feeling?
But, eventually I did break it off because that one bad feeling outweighed all of the happy feelings.
And I didn’t exactly know how to explain to him why at the time.
I couldn’t just say that “the spirit told me to”.
And any other reason I gave, he just kept reminding me that he made me happy.
I just couldn’t help him to see why.
But I know why now.
Driving past the temple made me think about where I would be if I was still with that guy.
I would probably be wanting to go tour the new temple.
So we would go.
And I would be walking through this glorious building knowing that I would never get to set foot in it again.
One of the most beautiful buildings on Earth and I would only get to see it once.
(Of course, maybe he would convert. But of course, maybe he wouldn’t. And at the time he was pretty set against it.)
So now, I know how to explain to him why I broke up with him:
“Yes, I was happy with you.
But you couldn’t give me everything that I’ve ever wanted.
You couldn’t give me what makes up the very essence of who I am: a gospel centered life.
And someday I will grow to resent you for that.
And you will grow to resent me because I love that church more than you.
So, while you make me happy…..there’s so much more happiness that’s waiting for me.”
And now, I have found that happiness.
The happiness of marrying a man who makes me more happy than I ever dreamed was possible.
The happiness of marrying a man who has the same goals in life as me.
The happiness of knowing that I’m not selling myself short.
The happiness of getting to go into the most glorious buildings on Earth more than just once.
So, while I was happy then, I am happier beyond compare now.

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