Sunday, October 13, 2013

how to look like a hipster

>First and foremost you must get upset at anybody who calls you a hipster. Because even though you are trying to be a hipster, it's not cool to actually be a hipster.
>You must own a pair of glasses that are as big as your face. And since you are only supposed to buy them to look cool they don't even need to be prescription. If you wear contacts just buy the glasses and pop the lenses out because this is the most practical use for glasses.
>During a musical discussion make up band names in order to look like you know the most obscure bands. For example: The Shoulder Devils, Twisted Shower Curtain, Check Out Line, The Purple Mountains Majesties. Feel free to throw these out next time you need them.
>Mention that you did some unheard of activity such as doing yoga in a tree. When people ask about it respond by saying something along the lines of "Oh you haven't done that? it's all the rage in the villages of Guatemala."
>In reference to fashion, you must layer on different mismatched clothes in order to look like you just rolled out of bed and threw on whatever you could find. Because hipsters don't care about their appearance. So don't look like you tried to hard. (But actually spend like half an hour in this process.)
>Instagram at least five times a day. Try to make them real artsy. Maybe one post could be a picture of a plain white wall. But take the picture at least five times in order to get the right angle. And then hashtag that it took you one time to get that beautiful shot and that there is not even a filter. (Guess how many times it took me to get that lovely up there? Twice. With a filter. But I'm smart enough not to hashtag that.)
>Always. Always. Have a different opinion. Over every single topic. "Oh you call it breakfast? Well I prefer to call it morning nourishment for the soul."

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