Friday, October 17, 2014

relationship advice


Just as a forewarning....this is not going to be GOOD advice.
I'll have you know....I have had offers.
But have I ever been in a real relationship that grown-ups partake of?
I'm just good at the ruining part.
And sometimes you just don't want to be just want them to break up with you.
So let me give you some terrible and unsolicited advice.
(All of these things may or may not have happened to me or been done by me....)

1. Tell them "I love you" in the first week of the relationship...... kill them with kindness. (That's how that saying works right?)

2. Tell them that you believe in co-habitation. That always gets those mormon men running real fast.

3. Talk incessantly about your damn cats all night. And how they suck from their mother's teets.

4. Try to kiss them during the new episode of The Walking Dead....just see what happens then.

5. Absolutely FREAK out at them for littering. That'll scare them off. (Alternatively, if you're dating a hippy.....litter. That's all you gotta do.)

6. Slowly leave bits of your hair everywhere they spend time...they'll eventually get disgusted by you.

7. Tell them you're going on a mission....or moving to Australia. Any of those would work here at BYU. Not marriage ready? Pass.

8. Simply, be really awkward and terrible at flirting....

So let's hear how your relationships have ended....

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