endure it well

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes” 

What does that even mean, endure it well?

I’m pretty sure that I have not been enduring anything well.

I have been drug through this trial kicking and screaming.

I have been angry at God and rebellious this whole time.

I am not enduring it well, if enduring is even what I would call what I’m doing.

So what is my reward?

How do I even classify "enduring it well"?

What is it?

Maybe it doesn’t mean that I am being a steadfast disciple through everything-

never straying and never resisting.

Maybe it means that I am simply waking up every day, knowing the end will come.

Maybe it means that I am throwing up my hands and saying, “Fine. I will do it.”

I might be doing it because I have to but I will do it.

Endure can be defined as continuing to last or exist.

If that’s all I can do right now then that’s OK.

That will be enduring it well for now.

Enduring it well will not always mean being happy or thankful for my trials.

Enduring it well will still allow me to express my anger or resistance.
It's giving what I have to give right now-even if it's not that much.

It is not a mold I need to fit.

I just need to keep living my life.

And I will get through it.

I shouldn’t worry about enduring anything as well as anybody else.

I endure how I can manage to endure.