Wednesday, July 30, 2014

how true it is

>Electric hand dryers are great for when you want to just give up and wipe your hands on your pants.
>Posting a status update before responding to someone's text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
>7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10
>Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
>Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great.
>The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
>“Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.
>I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?
>You know your day is complete when someone in a vehicle with a "COEXIST" bumper sticker flips you off.
>If you ever come over unannounced, it'll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants


  1. Seriously, how do the flies that are in the house never seem to die??

    1. right? They must multiply or something.


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