Friday, May 23, 2014


Rainy days when I'm left alone in the apartment always leave me wondering.
About everything from the originality of my fingerprints to how my clothing was so intricately made in a factory.
Between these thoughts I think about who I am-as a person, as a sibling, as a friend.
I feel like there are so many expectations in this world, in this society, in this religion.
I often get stuck on the "supposed to".
People tell me about their families and I think, "is that what mine is supposed to be like?"
People tell me about their relationships and I think, "is that how it's supposed to happen?"
People show me their work and I think, "is that what it's supposed to look like?"
We have so many "supposed to's" weighing us down.
Who gives a darn if we aren't what we're supposed to be?
My family might not look like someone else's family, but they are freakin' awesome.
My relationships might not look like other Zoobies', but who cares?
My work might not look like my classmates', but I am proud of it.
I realize that my mind works a lot different than other peoples'.
Sometimes I worry that I'm not living life right because I don't always care about things I'm supposed to.
Or because I either feel incredibly strong feelings or none at all.
I worry because I'm different and sometimes people don't know how to handle that.
I hardly know how to handle it.
But as I talk to my therapist about my "shortcomings" he reminds me that they aren't shortcomings.
They're characteristics that make me who I am.
So I'm a little different and think things differently and feel things differently?
It's me.
If only I could permanently get rid of the "supposed to's" and live however I want ALL the time.
Sounds glorious right?

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