Wednesday, April 8, 2015


Go on a hike I said.
It will be fun I said.
As we drive down the freeway at *legal* breakneck speeds we waved goodbye to our destined hike that was off the exit we just missed.
"Well, I guess that was the exit. Eh. There will be hikes in St. George."
Continuing to follow the Gods of the world wide web, we choose a hike of the Heavens: The Temple Quarry Trail.
Ready for the leisurely hike that we were promised, I continue wearing my shoes riddled with holes with no socks to soften the rocky ground.
We start off on the trail, munching on fruit snacks from the fanny pack around my waist, happy as beavers.
(Are beavers happy?)
Little did we know that at some point on the trail there is a place to TURN AROUND.
This information is vital to your survival on this hike.
Because we didn't turn around and found ourselves trampling through the wilderness like lost puppies.
(Do lost puppies trample through the wilderness?)
The rain had washed away any supposed trail and we were left to fend for ourselves in the brambles.
About an hour and a half into it I was ready to call it quits and wait for the vultures to finish me off.
I had already eaten and drank anything of sustenance from my pack and was starting to hallucinate.
Luckily, Derek was able to pull me up the mountain and push me down the other side.
(Not quite how it happened. The "Pulling" and "pushing" consisted mostly of words.)
But the rest is true.
We finally decided that we would have to climb over the top and slide down the other side.
And it worked.
And my hiney is grateful for the exercise.
But I'm not.
I am only here to declare to do this hike if, and only if, you TURN AROUND.

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