sunsets

I sit on my porch in the shadow of the setting sun.
And I look at my failed garden as the wind howls around me.
This is my last Summer in college.
I look ahead to graduation and get a little scared.
What will I do?
Who will I be?
Who will my friends be?
Where will I live?
The pro is that my future is so open.
However, the con is the same.
People prepare you for what's after high school: college.
But after college?
Nobody prepares you for that because now we're "grownups" or something.
What should I do?
Yeah yeah, get married and settle down.
Get a job and buy a house.
Maybe even have a tiny human.
But for me I feel like there's something else for now.
And I don't know what it is just yet.
The unknown- so scary and new, but so exciting and fun.
So, as of now I'm open for suggestions-lay 'em on me.
Mango picker in Australia, deckhand on an ocean cruiser, au pair in France..........

memorial day

Two weekends camping in a row?
Naturally.
This weekend we headed down south again after I got off a 10 hr. shift.
We got to Burriston Ponds in Mona at about seven on Sunday night.
We found a hole in the ground, filled it with wood, and started a fire with the first match.
Cause we're independent women and all....
We backed the truck up next to the fire and that's where we slept for the night-under a ceiling of stars.
We talked about the universe and gloried in the beauty of the world, as you do on camping trips.
In the morning we wandered over to the pond and tore up the rope swing.
This was seriously one of my favorite camping trips.
Mona, I will be back.

ponderings

Rainy days when I'm left alone in the apartment always leave me wondering.
About everything from the originality of my fingerprints to how my clothing was so intricately made in a factory.
Between these thoughts I think about who I am-as a person, as a sibling, as a friend.
I feel like there are so many expectations in this world, in this society, in this religion.
I often get stuck on the "supposed to".
People tell me about their families and I think, "is that what mine is supposed to be like?"
People tell me about their relationships and I think, "is that how it's supposed to happen?"
People show me their work and I think, "is that what it's supposed to look like?"
We have so many "supposed to's" weighing us down.
Who gives a darn if we aren't what we're supposed to be?
My family might not look like someone else's family, but they are freakin' awesome.
My relationships might not look like other Zoobies', but who cares?
My work might not look like my classmates', but I am proud of it.
I realize that my mind works a lot different than other peoples'.
Sometimes I worry that I'm not living life right because I don't always care about things I'm supposed to.
Or because I either feel incredibly strong feelings or none at all.
I worry because I'm different and sometimes people don't know how to handle that.
I hardly know how to handle it.
But as I talk to my therapist about my "shortcomings" he reminds me that they aren't shortcomings.
They're characteristics that make me who I am.
So I'm a little different and think things differently and feel things differently?
It's me.
If only I could permanently get rid of the "supposed to's" and live however I want ALL the time.
Sounds glorious right?