Pause

Life is so hard.
And it can get so overwhelming.
With the forms that need to be filled out, the dishes that need to be washed, the bills that need to be paid.
And how are you possibly supposed to have time to do the things that you enjoy AND get enough sleep?
These worries and responsibilities make it so easy to rush through life, always preparing for the next minute.
Isn't that so silly though?
I think we make it harder on ourselves by constantly letting the worry and anxiety fill us up.
To the point that we have no room left for sitting still.
Life is so much less complicated when I can sit and do a puzzle with Mason or play a game with Derek.
It is so much less complicated when I can try to box my anxieties into a one hour time slot each day.
Because really, life is simple.
We need to love each other and enjoy each other.
While bills and dishes and forms are important, they really aren't the MOST important.
They can wait until after you've kissed a booboo or hugged your spouse.
We can make life less complicated and overwhelming by choosing to not let it control us.
By trying to quiet our minds even though it often speaks louder than everything around us.

one month

How did my little baby turn one month?
How did he go from being the tiniest little creature to this full blown grown-up?
Honestly, all the days and nights spent feeding and changing have all blurred into one looooong day.
Probably because sleep comes in small stretches, mere naps in the longest day in history.
But no way has it been a whole month!!!!
During the shortest month in history Mason had his first outing: Jamba Juice.
He loved it, he told me.
Also, Bruce has started sleeping on the couch.
Whether it's because he's annoyed of the crying baby or because he feels the need to stand guard over us, I don't know.
But it's nice not having him in our bed so I won't even question it.
Speaking of not sleeping......
After like the first week I decided to start using the sound machine when I put Mason to bed.
When I'm done feeding him I put him back in his bed whether he is asleep or not.
And once I started turning the sound machine on I learned that it would put Derek and I out like lights in seconds and once the timer would turn it off I would wake up and realize that it had put us to sleep but Mason was still wide awake.......
Kind of the opposite of what I wanted it to do.
Again speaking of not sleeping (because that's really all parenthood is).....
Derek and I (but mostly Derek) are super crazy when sleep deprived.
There was this one time that I was waking Derek up and he suddenly got so scared because he thought I had handed Mason to him but there was no baby in his arms.
And I will often wake up thinking that I'm currently pumping.
When clearly I'm not.
But through all the many many many 3 hour "naps" this very looooooong day has brought, we sure do love him.
And the way that he sleeps with his hands right up next to his face.
And the way he takes foreeever to drink a bottle (OK maybe not this one so much).
And the way that he snorts (because even though it was bad congestion.....it's dang adorable).
And the way his eyes are just so big and round and could just stare at the person holding him for hours and hours.
And the way his toes curl under.
And the fact that he instantly falls asleep the moment his car seat starts moving.

But one month????
Really????

mason's birth story

At 36 weeks I went in for my appointment and I was dilated to a 2. I had had a feeling my whole pregnancy that he was going to come early so this gave me hope that my intuition was correct. At my 37.5 week appointment I went in and I had lost some weight from being so sick still. Since I was losing weight and was measuring small my doctor had me go in for an ultrasound to check the size of baby and the amount of amniotic fluid. If the results weren’t ideal then they would have to induce me that night. It turned out that baby was growing just enough and my fluid levels were borderline so we would continue to monitor those. About 4 days later was my 38 week appointment and I had lost even more weight. I was dilated to a 3 and my cervix was almost all the way shortened and thinned. I went back in for another ultrasound and my fluid levels had dropped and so my doctor said that I could be induced at 39 weeks if he doesn’t come on his own before then. So I set my induction date for Oct. 14. But I felt like he was still going to come before then. For a few days I was having braxton-hicks and cramping so I kept thinking that the time was coming. On Friday neither Derek or I went into work and we were spending the day getting things done and enjoying each other’s company and crossing our fingers that something might come of my cramps. By the late morning I had finally given into the thought of going in for my induction the next day and not meeting him any sooner than planned. I was feeling pretty nauseous so while Derek and I were watching TV on the couch I drank a Coke and then laid down to take a nap. At noon I woke up with a contraction. And it was that moment that I realized that I had never felt a real contraction before-but this one was the real deal. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I stood up my water broke! It was just a trickle so I called my nurse to ask her about it. She was on lunch so while I waited for her to call back I busied myself doing laundry, my hair and makeup, and picking things up around the house. She called back and I told her what was going on and she told me to head on over to Labor and Delivery. Derek likes to point out that once I hung up the phone and told him this I was still very nonchalant about the whole situation and was still taking care of things around the house and making him switch around where the cars were parked. At about 12:45 we casually (Derek not so casually) walked into the hospital and told the people at the front desk that I was there to check in. They took me to a triage room and a few minutes later the nurse came in. After showing her my underwear she whisked us away to a Delivery room before we had even touched anything in triage. She checked me when we got into the room and I was dilated to a 4 and at a +1 Station (the baby was in the birth canal, ready to come on out). At this point my contractions were bearable and I was glad to answer the admit questions the nurse had. But slowly they became worse and worse and to the point that I almost ripped Derek’s shirt off his body. After phlebotomy came in and did my blood draws the nurse checked me and saw that I was already at an 8, just about 30 minutes after being in the room. She called for the anesthesiologist, who came in pretty quick and started telling me all of this epidural information. Once he was finally done yammering about things I wasn’t even listening to he gave me the epidural and laid me on my back to let all of the nerves numb. After a little bit I told the nurse that I could still feel the right side of my back so they tipped me that way and then I asked her to check me again because it felt like he was sitting really low. She looked and……told me that it was time to push! I did a couple of small pushes to get him to the point where he was crowning and then we waited about 10 minutes for the doctor to come in. During this time they told me that he had hair which made me so happy because we expected him to be a bald little baby. I also had enough time to feel his head; which was incredibly weird. My regular doctor was going to be there in 20 minutes, but things were happening so fast that I got the on call doctor of the day. She came in and 3 contractions later little Mason was born at 3:06. And the first thing I said? “He looks really gross!” But they cleaned him off and gave him to me and he’s been much cuter ever since. I am seriously so incredibly grateful that after such a grueling 9 months of sickness, something happened easily! But for my next kid? He may just slip right out on the way to the hospital!